Searching for answers that will never arrive. I found this blog entry that I wanted to pass on.
http://ammajerkoff.blogspot.com/2011/03/on-losing-those-you-love.html?ext-ref=comm-sub-email
May it help you as it has helped me.
Take care and I will write more when I can.
Bobby
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When my mother died a few years ago it left me feeling a bit numb. I never cried. I cried when I had to shoot my completely devoted German Shepherd. But, when my Mother died I just went blank. It disturbed me enough I tried calling a therapist but I never got past the receptionist's screening. "Are you thinking about killing yourself?" "Well, I wasn't until you brought it up..."
As Christian folks we rationalized her death to the kid with all the proper arguments. She is happier, her pain is gone, she was spared further suffering, cherish her memory and try to be like her, blah, blah, blah.
But, the family anchor was gone and we were all sort of adrift. Our extended family has proven to be pretty much adrift since that time.
The idea that has helped me was when it just came to be that life sucks. In general it is a bitter struggle. Lots of people get sick and die. People kill each other, volcanoes erupt and nuclear plants melt down.
You appreciate the moments of happiness when you are in them. You cherish those memories of those moments in times of sadness. You remember the happy times and rationalize your life into a success.
I choose to think God does not cause the problems but God and the community of believers (if someone has that) is what provides the solid reference point that helps you get through the crisis.
I'm not sure this is real helpful but there is my philosophy.
Budde
You are indeed an insightful person. Seems that everyone has a way of grieving. I know what you mean about losing a pet. They are different than parents. Pets didn't ground you, tell you to make up your bed or sweep the floor. They just gave you unconditional love.
When I lost my parents, I walked the fence line of the Ga. farm. The memories can be overwhelming. Just me, my thoughts, and following the barbwire.
There will be a time when I shut the door in that special room in my mind. Place the memories of her with others long gone. Move on with my life. And let out a tear, when something triggers a memory.
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